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第5章 魔花绽放

　　'But where are you going to, Helen? Can you see? Do you know?'

　　I was not free to resume the interrupted chain of my reflectionstill bedtime: even then a teacher who occupied the same room with mekept me from the subject to which I longed to recur, by a prolongedeffusion of small talk. How I wished sleep would silence her. Itseemed as if, could I but go back to the idea which had last enteredmy mind as I stood at the window, some inventive suggestion would risefor my relief.

　　The ground was hard, the air was still, my road was lonely; Iwalked fast till I got warm, and then I walked slowly to enjoy andanalyse the species of pleasure brooding for me in the hour andsituation. It was three o'clock; the church bell tolled as I passedunder the belfry: the charm of the hour lay in its approachingdimness, in the low-gliding and pale-beaming sun. I was a mile fromThornfield, in a lane noted for wild roses in summer, for nuts andblackberries in autumn, and even now possessing a few coraltreasures in hips and haws, but whose best winter delight lay in itsutter solitude and leafless repose. If a breath of air stirred, itmade no sound here; for there was not a holly, not an evergreen torustle, and the stripped hawthorn and hazel bushes were as still asthe white, worn stones which causewayed the middle of the path. Farand wide, on each side, there were only fields, where no cattle nowbrowsed; and the little brown birds, which stirred occasionally in thehedge, looked like single russet leaves

　　Mr. Brocklehurst nodded.

　　The laugh was repeated in its low, syllabic tone, and terminated inan odd murmur.

　　'You ought to be aware, Miss, that you are under obligations toMrs. Reed: she keeps you: if she were to turn you off, you wouldhave to go to the poorhouse.'

　　I examined the document long: the writing was old-fashioned andrather uncertain, like that of an elderly lady. This circumstancewas satisfactory: a private fear had haunted me, that in thus actingfor myself, and by my own guidance, I ran the risk of getting intosome scrape; and, above all things, I wished the result of myendeavours to be respectable, proper, en regle. I now felt that anelderly lady was no bad ingredient in the business I had on hand. Mrs.Fairfax! I saw her in a black gown and widow's cap; frigid, perhaps,but not uncivil: a model of elderly English respectability.Thornfield! that, doubtless, was the name of her house: a neat orderlyspot, I was sure; though I failed in my efforts to conceive arecollections of the map of England; yes, I saw it; both the shire andcounty where I now resided: that was a recommendation to me. Ilonged to go where there was life and movement: Millcote was a largedoubtless: so much the better; it would be a complete change at least.Not that my fancy was much captivat

　　He, for it was a man, turned his head slowly towards where I stood,and having examined me with the two inquisitive-looking grey eyeswhich twinkled under a pair of bushy brows, said solemnly, and in abass voice, 'Her size is small: what is her age?'

　　Next day new steps were to be taken; my plans could no longer beconfined to my own breast; I must impart them in order to achievetheir success. Having sought and obtained an audience of thesuperintendent during the noontide recreation, I told her I had aprospect of getting a new situation where the salary would be doublewhat I now received (for at Lowood I only got L15 per annum); andrequested she would break the matter for me to Mr. Brocklehurst, orsome of the committee, and ascertain whether they would permit me tomention them as references. She obligingly consented to act asmediatrix in the matter. The next day she laid the affair before Mr.Brocklehurst, who said that Mrs. Reed must be written to, as she wasmy natural guardian. A note was accordingly addressed to that lady,who returned for answer, that 'I might do as I pleased: she had longrelinquished all interference in my affairs.' This note went the roundof the committee, and at last, after what appeared to me mosttedious delay, formal leave was give